Cheeto Zuniga

Perhaps the most dangerous and enigmatic of all snacks, the Cheeto has been theorized to originate in the Fossilized Cat Feces Mines of Trafalgar, but recent attempts to pierce the titanium veil of corporate secrecy indicate a mysterious interdimensional source. This is all we know.

Name:
Location: Money, Nirvana, United Arab Emirates

The most important things to remember about me are my genetically-enhanced kneecap. Since the late seventies I have lived off the substantial royalties of a Star Wars spinoff product, Chewbacco. I have collected inheritance from approximately 78 different friendly members, families and holy features, but please don't ask for anything - asking is boring. Revered as one of the world's greatest unpublished authors, sharing this extinction with only about 2,500,487 other humans. We often pass each other, both noing and not noing, bouncing and shuffling along the streets of America and other funny ideas.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Nevada Ballot Questions

As I've gotten older I've gotten more interested in the specifics of government. With so much going on, it's tough to get to the nitty-gritty beneath all the talk and distortion. I had to Google "Nevada Ballot Questions" to find the actual text of the proposed changes to Nevada's Constitution and Revised Statutes - most of the top results have to do with regulating marijuana and the drama of Question 3 being removed from the ballot as unconstitutional.
Any of the two people who are likely to read this already understand how ludicrous is the tyranny and dismissinformation surrounding the issue of marijuana legalization in a circle of flaming, stinking bullshit, so I won't bother to go into details. I am excited
not only about the possibility of freeing up incredible resources, but also generating tax income and actually increasing safety in the use of marijuana. Not that it has any hope of passing in this backward state.
Most interesting to me is Question 6, raising the minimum wage in the state. I like the idea, but I am concerned about exactly how the proposal is written: will it actually make it easier companies to avoid providing health coverage for their employees, theoretically just by throwing an extra $40.00 gross at them per week? As an employer, when I consider the cost of tracking health plans, shopping for them, then managing the bookkeeping, giving everyone a dollar an hour extra is a smokin' deal. There is still the moral issue of not caring for your throwaway employees, but since mostly larger companies are paying minimum wage (because smaller ones must offer more money to compete with name recognition), morality is a distant consideration.
Anyway, please read the text of Question 6 and give me your opinion.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Caught with a "Christian Hook"

My oh my, that Thomas Kinkade. I was always suspicious of artists who franchise themselves. Now, once again I am proven right about the evil. Part of my set of sicknesses is how delighted I was to hear about this. He's a groper, people.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Have you ever noticed that all drug experts seem to be cops? At least, whenever you see a drug expert being interviewed by the news or by government officials. Just watch TV, any TV, and you will observe the absence of actual doctors when the script turns to drug use, where marijuana will be shown again and again to be equally as life-destroying and insidious as cocaine, heroin, or methamphetamines. Please, do some research in the form of just seeing a little bit of "news" and get back to me on the results.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Another Icon Faded and Dropped Away

Syd Barrett has moved on. As usual someone wraps up their article with the most ridiculous possible final paragraph. ""Adam, I need to fill a little extra space with your article. Can you throw in one more tiny little fact at the end, please? Peppers? Perfect, Adam. I can see the irony, since you mention The Beatles earlier in the article." Did the writer give a complete list of his post-Floyd works? "His left hand met the frets like strangers." Better is this, though I'm always cracked up by the old journalistic standby whenever one talks about artists: "the slender thread by which creative talent can hang." Between these two articles, we read two different explanations for the name "Syd." Now that's accuracy in journalism, one of you. I've been hearing a bit about papers slashing reporting costs and going with columnists, who are generally lame, because it's cheaper. Shit, I can write a column from here for free, one column per month, so if you just freelance about 35 guys (the extras are in case the others are as slackadaisickle as I), and you have yourself a paper! But as usual I digress from the solemn matter at hand.

Well, I'm not really that bummed about Syd passing on as it certainly sounded like a miserable life, if he was even capable of evaluating it anymore. Catatonia, disconnection from your skills, becoming known for stuffing goddamn peppers.

I don't know enough about Mr. Barrett, and haven't even heard that first album recorded with Pink Floyd, because classic rock stations (your best hope for that sort of thing) seem to only own "Dark Side of the Moon," "Wish You Were Here" and "The Wall." In fact, that may be the only THREE albums owned and played by KOZZ, 105.6 on your MF'ing dial.

Anyway, Syd, I hope you were finding a form of comfort in that mind of yours, in your last years.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Death n' Stuff

I wonder how I would behave if I were terminally ill. I wonder about things like that fairly often, actually, because my life is fairly free of unwanted/unchosen adversity, leaving me free to frighten myself as some form of melodramatic almost-entertainment or spiritual reverse-masturbation that pretends to be "planning for the future."

In most of my fantasies I paint a picture of dignity and total command of the final situation, throwing pre-death parties and speaking great wisdom to a finally captive audience, then hearing some of those minds thinking, "It's because of this type of bullshit that I won't miss him" and other compoundings of my gorgeous self-absorption. Like people in real life, I don't get to hear the eulogies, but generally I'm considerably more impressive at the age of 124 than I am now, still standing, walking, talking, with nothing to indicate that I'm actually about to roll out on the midnight train.

Does dying with dignity include infinite courage, layers of emotions controled for the benefit of others, absolute consciousness, addiction to painkillers, chemo in the last two weeks, screaming at your wife, a clean diaper? What quantities of fighting are appropriate in each circumstance to allow one to balance between artistic quitting and animal desperation? How much are you allowed to think of yourself as, for instance, your body painfully eats itself?

My grandfather, gripped with the last fever, woke from his squirming dying slumber just long enough to look at me and say, "Oh hey, Cheeto..." then he was back down in there somewhere and away, soon gone. Some of us, like my mother, told him it was OK to let go, but I wasn't sure it was my place, being only a grandson. I still regret not telling him.

For me dying with dignity is a matter of leaving on my terms, being as conscious as can be, leaving nothing undone, everything said that needed to be said, being maximally loved - all things that seem to do more with having led a good life. And probably a load of crap considering the infinitesimal chance that I will be shipping out on anything like my own terms.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

No Stims, Still Sticking to it at 1:22

Trying to bring a bit of brevity:

Is it me, or has each of our assassinated presidents been murdered by a US citizen?

Is it me, or is the central point of being an American, at least when we consider those things that made this country all the great things it is, the placement of freedom before safety? Life, liberty, pursuit of happiness.

There are those of us who notice many threes. The first of three was the discovery of unwarranted tracking of calls overseas; the second, the discovery of unwarranted collection of lists of numbers called by US citizens. The third, which we shall probably discover after this ridiculous presidency is done, will be unwarranted eavesdropping on phonecalls by the public in general.

There is no "War on Colon Cancer," no "War on Miscellaneous, Unintentional Airplane Crashes," nor any "War on Landmines from Previous US Conflicts." Each of these things we could war against kill and maim more people annually than we have lost to terrorism, at least before we invaded any country that had not actually been engaging successfully in the use of the techniques of terrorism.

If you declare war against a technique of war, you will avoid any clear answer to the question, "When is it over?" This allows you to maintain a permanent grip on the curtailment of personal rights, emphasizing fundamentalist Christian value subsets, accelerated wealth stratification, or whatever other ideas come to your or your political contributors' minds. Between extreme cynicism, paranoia, and random chance, try to balance likelihood and simplicity to help choose your blend of declarations. Within that terrible triangle of troubles, I'm down in the paranoid corner, close to the cynical side. How about you?

Friday, April 28, 2006

Bitchin' About Politickin'

Take a look at this and write to me about red herrings. Walling up the US-Mexican border is about fighting terrorism? To quote a president who helped us down this slippery slope with a few gentle shoves, "Well, there you go again."

Now read this amazing article (one of over seven billion columns in print and Web entitled "Insight") and write to me about the 10,000 ways of distortion and dishonesty used to make your point.

I think the basic issue has become how important it is for people to win. This is related to how our criminal justice system works: a dichotomy is set up by the nature of guilty/not guilty in the form of prosecution and defense. In this context, the closest we can get to truth is victory (and it's kind of sad that victory equals truth, but what can you do to defeat physics, with its life/death levels of human consciousness, etc.? (and yes, you betcher ayass human consciousness is a physical level. But let's save that for another set of too damn many parentheses (appearing in some other blog entry))).

In this country, we find ourselves stuck with another false dichotomy: (D) and (R), "conservative" and "liberal," with me or against me. This [sad state of affairs] + [nearly 300,000,000 people] = [you must lie to manipulate enough minds to create anything resembling consensus]. You must lie to create a truth enough people, mostly uneducated, mostly ignorant of important facts (whether by design, laziness, whatever combination of elements) can recognize
and respond to. You must lie to win. Just win, baby! Mission accomplished.

In this Jewish World Review article I assume you just read (making an "ass" of "u" and "me"), you were affected uncomfortably by statements like "Some were reportedly peaceful and even patriotic," which make it sound as though most - much more than merely "any" - of the recent protests by immigrants were violent. And who reports what is patriotic? Is there a ratio of US flags to protesters that must be reached to conform to some operational definition of "patriotic?" In the same article, just skimming through it now
  • "sleeping giant:" a reference to Pearl Harbor. When I saw people protesting on the streets a few weeks ago waving Mexican and US flags, hoping to make life better for themselves and their families, I felt like a part of Hawaii was on fire, full of death.
  • "the very system they circumvented...humility:" Who's circumventing? Corporations and proprietors of businesses of all sizes, circumventing payroll taxes (that are supposed to be reported and paid on a consistent basis for all their legal employees), circumventing insurance costs, circumventing workman's compensation...and passing all those costs on to other, honest corporations and the public as a whole. If only those corporations could do the right thing and just refuse to hire those evil, illegal immigrants. And humility? Shee-it, just imagine David Limbaugh (wonder if he was dumb enough to be related) bringing his family hundreds of miles, paying his life savings to strangers who may just leave him to bake to death inside a moving van, in hopes of a slightly better standard of living.
  • "Bush's Achilles' heel in the War on Terror:" Not to mention the theft of another's body parts, what the Kryste does illegal immigration across this particular border have to do with the War on Terror? It's like saying you'd rather drown than choke: I don't think anyone involved in 9/11 snuck across the Mexico-US border. I'm pretty sure it's because it would be too dangerous, and one would risk too many trained, valuable combat resources. People need to be desparate to try and cross that border.
The quotes get less mind-boggling after the writer has already shaken the baby a few times, but there is some stuff about national pride, assimilation, and adoption of our language. Here I must admit things get a lot more complicated: personally, I would like to see borders disappear so there are no countries to attack, nowhere with cheaper labor or easier laws to exploit, and everyone speaking English so I don't ever have to get around to learning Spanish (I have books and software and plenty of people with whom to practice, but the words get in the way).

Nowadays I am a businessman, and it only makes sense to treat everyone fairly, to learn how to communicate with any sizeable group of people nearby who speak a different language. There is a lot of pressure on "monolinguals" (which I hope picks up a negative connotation ASAP) to learn a second language in order to compete in business, to fight for jobs in the face of automation and higher population. It seems a lot easier for me to convince myself to learn Spanish than to convince thousands of others to learn English. This solves the assimilation problem, too: Americans feel so welcome in Europe (until our leaders do crasy things) because so many people in Belgium, Germany, France (my God--FRANCE?!) speak English. Get the point?

But as usual, no one who disagrees with me on more than relative details, is ever going to read anything I ever type. Damn.